Tough Love, Not Empty Praise Builds Real Success

There’s something very powerful in the way Brian Chesky talks of his upbringing and how it shaped the way he leads Airbnb.

He makes it very clear that his father never told him he was smart or talented. That probably felt cold but Chesky doesn’t complain, instead he says it did him a favor. He learned that effort is what counts, not just being told you’re good enough. This idea of rewarding effort not just talent, has stayed with him and shaped how he runs a company worth $82 billion.

Reading his comments, I’m reminded just how unusual it is for leaders or anyone really to value effort above praise. For most of us it’s easy to look for approval or wait for someone to say we’re smart, when we don’t hear it we start doubting ourselves, but his story shows the opposite.

When we stop expecting compliments we focus on what actually matters, what we’re doing and how much we’re growing.

I think that’s why he managed to keep pushing forward even when investors said no and even when his own mother questioned his choices. If all he wanted was approval, the company would probably have failed before it ever got big.

Anyways, I believe we’re living in a time where there’s a real temptation to just celebrate people for trying and not for succeeding. That's basically what his approach challenges. He tells his team and by extension us that real belief in someone isn’t patting them on the back for showing up, it’s pushing them to do better than they think possible.

Don't see it as cruelty, see it as real respect.

When we push others or ourselves to go beyond our comfort zone, we find out what we’re actually capable of. You might think it sets people up for disappointment, but actually the opposite usually happens. You are being honest to them and to yourself.

If you never hear the hard truth you’re stuck in a bubble.

Obviously not everyone wants to be pushed and not every situation calls for this much toughness, but if we look at him and even other leaders like Bill Gates and Mark Cuban, it’s clear that failure, challenge and high expectations build people up far more than empty praise ever will.

Disclaimer:
The image I used above as the thumbnail of my blog was generated using Chatgpt 4.1 model with a simple prompt.

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