In Spite of My Best Intentions...
Although I don't really mind the fact that I am "getting older," one of the things I don't like to much about it is that I am becoming less and less able to count on my energy level.
Or, specifically, whether I will have enough energy and ambition to actually undertake something that sounded great the week before... but now leaves me feeling like I could I could sleep for a month and still not have energy enough to do anything of consequence.
As I have written here before, I have pretty much always been somewhat of a low energy person, although I do tend to "get things done" without too much trouble. Regardless, I have a preference for "having done" over actually doing.
But when your energy levels tend to be rather unreliable, it adds the wrinkle that even when you fully intend to get something taken care, you just can't always do it, physically speaking.
My doctor even suggested that it might be related to some of the medications I am taking (because I did ask), but when I explained that I never had much energy, that idea was dropped, pretty quickly.
Although I am well aware that my memory might be less than perfect, I was often overwhelmed, even when I was a kid. If there was what felt like "too much on my plate," I tended to become immobilized, much like the proverbial deer in the headlights.
Can you say "neurodivergent?"
Of course, claiming to be "on the autism spectrum" is a popular rationalization for a host of odd behaviors these days, so I'm not going to fall back on that particular one.
I suspect a fair bit of this "popularity" has more to do with it being a lot more palatable to claim some "condition" than to simply admit that life is hard and you kinda suck at dealing with it.
Seriously, though... life actually is hard. We may be living in "the most prosperous times in human history" but the unspoken "social contract" that made The American Dream possible in the 1950s and 1960s simply doesn't exist, any more!
Last week, I watched a documentary about three generations of a family, living and working in the same mid-sized city... looking at all aspects of life, from work to lifestyle to retirement, it took the father (late 50s) about 20% more effort to have the same standard of living as the grandfather (mid-80s), but it is taking the son (early 30s) 2.3 times as much effort... which is basically undoable.
The primary culprit in the equation is the cost of housing, which bears no relation to the reality of prior generations.
Hence the constant state of feeling overwhelmed, so many people live with (myself included), because too many things in life are simply not realistic anymore.
Point being, the conditions those who want to return to "old values" are talking about simply don't exist anymore.
While I have lots of good intentions, they will likely never be more than that... intentions. The older I get, the more that holds true.
Thanks for stopping by and have a great remainder of your week!
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Created at 2025.09.24 01:06 PST
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What struck me most is your honesty about feeling overwhelmed, there’s no shame in admitting that life is just… hard. And while intentions may not always turn into actions, acknowledging them and being gentle with yourself is already meaningful.
Certainly, not all people are the same, and we do not all have the same energy levels, and that is fine. Diversity is a good thing, although it is true that many medicines have unexpected effects; they solve one problem but can cause another. But if that is not the case for you, then all the better.
Society has also changed a lot, especially in recent times, as you mention the issue of housing, concerns and, above all, people's values. Society often does not know where it is going with what is currently happening. These are reflections that give us a lot to talk about, and, as with energy, not everyone will have the same opinion, but in this case, I agree with you very much. Take care of your energy and time, it is valuable. A hug!
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I can so relate to not having the energy. I had much more when I was younger, but never seemed to have as much as other kids or young adults. Turns out I had Lyme disease. And now I have long Covid on top of it. And on top of that I get younger each day (tongue in cheek...) But I just do as much as I can and eventually things get done.
Thanks for sharing your thoughs. I can relate with some too: I love get things done but the proccess to get it done is rarely easy. Nowadays when people ask how's everything, I say it's ok with up's and downs. Life is hard,and sometimes my energy also lacks. We must be kind to ourselves, and accept that we are doing what is possible on that day 🍀