Forgive to Heal, Remember to Grow

Forgiveness is often celebrated as a noble act, a sign of strength rather than weakness. Yet, the phrase “forgive and forget” has always been about the human heart, and we all know how the human heart is very unpredictable. Can we truly erase the memory of a wound, or does the scar remain as a quiet reminder of the pain? Is forgiveness complete if the memory lingers, or does holding on to it mean we haven’t fully let go? While forgiving might free us from bitterness, forgetting can feel almost impossible, and perhaps, not even necessary. In a world where trust is fragile and hurt can run deep, the challenge remains: is forgiving without forgetting genuine healing, or just a half-measure toward peace?

Image is mine

In today's article, I will open your mind to my world of forgiving and forgetting. As I said earlier, we all tag forgiving as a noble act, which truly it is, but do you know our mind or brain isn't built to forget anything that hurts us? Now, don't get me wrong, I am not saying it is impossible to forget what hurts us; we can always take away what hurts us from our minds. This way, we tend to forget whatever must have hurt us.

Let's look at it from the human side. I always say something. People don't hurt other people by mistake; they know what they are doing, and sometimes others can come up with the excuse of "I never knew it was going to hurt you." This is to show you that they never consider you or your feelings before they do what they do, or they did it intentionally. Such people can be forgiven, but if you forget what they did and give them another chance to play that role again, I believe they would hurt you again.

That is why I always say forgetting is not about wiping away the past; it is about choosing not to allow the past to control you. You can remember what happened and still move on without keeping hatred in your heart. Forgiving is for your peace, but remembering is for your wisdom. If you forget every wrong done to you, you might keep falling into the same trap over and over again. But if you remember and still choose to love, you have mastered the true meaning of forgiveness.

A short story of how forgiving and forgetting got me into the same trouble. While growing up, I had a very close female childhood friend. Let's say her name is Dami. Dami was a very close friend of mine, more like a sister, because we grew up in the same place, went to the same school, and did things together. Now, Dami has a big issue, which is lying. Dami can lie and even the dead will wake up to scream. There was a time in school when she started pokenosing into people's business.

Dami had a discussion with Noimot, then went ahead to tell Isi, then everything Isi said, she told me and Tola. Now, Tola went to tell Noimot everything that had been said, and the cycle went like that. When she was confronted, she said I was the one who told her everything, and I began a cold war with those ladies in our class.

I was angry at her. How could you use my name to tell such a lie? She knew people like me, and it would be easy to forgive me. She apologized on her knees, and I forgave and forgot. We continued being friends, not until the same thing happened again, and it was then that I knew her lying habit was an incurable disease. I reduced the way and things I tell her because she wasn't a trustworthy person.

Life has a way of teaching us through the actions of others. When you forgive, you are telling yourself, “I deserve peace more than I deserve revenge.” When you remember, you are telling yourself, “I have learned my lesson and I will not be blind twice.” So, do not let anyone force you into forgetting if you are not ready. Healing is a journey, and sometimes the scars we keep are there to remind us how far we have come.

Thanks for reading. My name is Fashtioluwa.