Fear-Based Obedience vs. Genuine Respect—Big Difference!

Discipline is such a controversial topic. It’s a topic that continually manages to rile up a group of people discussing it. The last time I remember talking about it was with a guy. I asked him about the method of discipline he would use on his future kids, and without hesitation, he said he would beat them for sure.

To certain foreigners, this might seem harsh and—dare I say—abusive. But over here, beating or hitting your child is the norm; it’s even encouraged.

Lol, it’s so common that strangers even feel that they have the right to hit a child that’s not theirs, all in the name of enforcing discipline; after all, if you don’t discipline your child in the home, people on the streets will do it for you.

Well, growing up, I witnessed various forms of discipline. From my home, I definitely received lashes of cane on several occasions. I was shouted at, given the silent treatment, and had things taken from me. I even ran away at some points (I came back when I realized nobody came looking for me 😅😅).

I experienced all these and many more. This is what “shaped” and influenced my way of being. That is until I grew older and became aware of the toll that the so-called discipline had taken on my nervous system.

Up until today, I possess this air of wanting to do things right in order to impress the “authority.” And I have recognized this as an adopted coping mechanism from all the times in my childhood when I didn’t want to get hurt, so I would make sure everything was done well. There is nothing wrong in wanting things to be in the right order.

But I am more concerned with the reason behind it. It is not okay to constantly live in fear of doing things wrong or stepping on people’s toes. How else are we going to grow if we don’t make mistakes and piss some people off?

Because of this, I have made the conscious effort to revise my old way of thinking and ensure that I do not continue a cycle that is more destructive than it is constructive. I agree that children need to be disciplined. But I also believe that children can be disciplined without breaking their spirits.

Deal with the issue, and not the child. Do you know that children deserve to be respected the same way we respect adults? When I first heard of this phenomenon—if you will 😅—it’s safe to say my flabbers were gasted 😅.

But after letting it marinate in my head, it began to make some sense. If in your very formative years you are consistently disrespected and treated as less than, you are bound to internalize it and accept it as a normal practice.

But if you are respected at a young age, not only will you naturally accept nothing less than respect from others, but you will also exude it. You will be respectable and respectful.

Here are some methods that I feel will help in raising respectable and respectful children of tomorrow:

Positive Reinforcement: This is one of the principles that Dale Carnegie preaches in his book “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” When we focus on praising people when they do amazing things, they are bound to do it again and better. It’s amazing for kids and helps build their self-confidence.

Setting Clear Expectations & Boundaries: When the rules and consequences are explained to kids in a clear and concise way, they might not get it at first, but when applied, they are bound to learn it quickly

Time Outs: This can be tricky to adopt in the beginning because kids aren’t exactly the best rule followers. And when hyperactive, it’s hard to get them to stay in one place for a long time. But with patience and consistency, they will eventually understand.

These are but a few healthy ways to go about enforcing discipline on kids. If you have any you would like to share, or any stories from your childhood, kindly drop them below in the comment section.

Thank you for Reading🤗

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