The Decision That Changed Everything . LOH#264

Hello ladies, greetings to you all.

Earlier this year I can remember vividly how I made new year resolutions, I wrote lots of things I wanted to do to make my life positively different from what it has always been. I had made several decisions and I tried as much as possible to keep to them the first month. Getting to February I started drifting and slowly every decisions I made as a resolution became a one time something.

But amidst my inabilities to stick to the things I planned I still continued living as I had always do. A lot happened and that made me to finally view life in a different lens.

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My perspective for so many things changed and hat helped me to make not just one but two decisions that has sustained me till today and I do not regret making such decisions.

The first decision was prioritizing and loving myself. I am that one person that if I care about people I do that with all of me, most times I do not mind letting go of how I feel, of what I want just to make the other person feel loved and cared for.

I would not mind doing anything legal and beyond my reach just be sure the people I care about are okay.

You know, I thought I was being humble, caring, kind and selfless by putting others and their needs first but I realized I was wrong. I got to understand that people do not really care, they might not even see it as something tangible.

I realized that loving people without loving myself is self- neglect disguise as virtue. You know the world would still continue with or without you, that is the hard truth to say but it is true that the people you go all out for will still survive.

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If you like give yourself out to be beaten and killed because of someone, my dear after your death, they would cry for one or two days and after that you remain a memory and life still continues. Most times no matter how much you pour out your time, energy and heart, you still fell invisible.

I am not trying to say that people should not be kind, selfless and caring, NO! all I am trying to say is, you are as important just as the person is. So self love is that big decision I made, I am still kind and I love people but I have to love and prioritize my self first and only then will I learn to replicate same to others.

In this life whether you agree or not, it is you versus you, even the bible says “ love your neighbor as you love yourself” it is “ as you love yourself” and not the other way round. People would always be people and you would always remain you, so I had to learn how to handle myself with care too.

I had to learn to sometimes sit still and listen to myself, my inner me, what it truly yearns for. So yes, I am learning to pour into myself first, to help others without abandoning myself, to love people deeply without loosing myself. I am getting to understand that being good to people is very nice but being good to myself is a necessity.

I have to take care and prioritize my health not just till I am sick alone. I have to sit back and discipline myself sometimes too because I want me to be a better person and most times the best advice is self advise. I also learned to take myself out sometimes to a nice eatery and some fun places without having to wait for someone to take me out.

I have learned to forgive myself because I am still human just like every other person and I deserve to be forgiven too. I learn to take things easy with myself because everything has its own timing.

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And in the long run, self love has helped me to realize that my peace of mind is worth more than thousands of luxury, I have learned to say no in many occasions not because they were so bad a decision to make but because I can’t put my peace of mind at stake.

I learned to be my own safe place, to accept myself for who I am, to choose myself a hundred times even when people give up on me. Yeah! I learned to love myself, and all through it has helped me to become very confident, I do not regret that decision because it has helped me to truly see me just the way I am without waiting for people’s verification.

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