Still Trying To Find The Essence Of It All.

Sometimes I just sit and ask myself, “What is really the point of all this?”
You know Babies are born , people die, even some people come into your life and teach you something , then disappear like smoke in the air, Loved ones go and never come back, and you begin to wonder , what really is the purpose of this life?

See I will not even lie, this topic hit me deep, because even though I try to act like I have it every thing together , sometimes I genuinely feel just lost, Like, this period I have been in, just waiting for my OND results to come out, trying to figure out what next, and dealing with the silence and confusion that just comes with it , it is not been easy at all.

And there are days that I wake up and I don’t even know why I am even waking up, the hustle continues regardless, yes, but what is it for?I ask myself What am I really chasing? Is it just to survive? Or to eat? To pay bills? sometimes it feels like you give your all and life still looks at you and tells you....“Not yet.”

You go to work, and your boss talks to you anyhow. Like why?..... You apply for jobs and they say “We will get back to you,” but they never really do, you try to just stay strong however it is, but mentally, emotionally, even physically, you are just somehow tired.

And then all those “what if” thoughts start creeping in....

"What if I never find my real purpose?"

"What if all this effort is for nothing?"

"What if this is all there is to life?"

But you see even with all that... I still wake up, I still put a smile on my face, I still somehow try , like I still show up, and honestly, I think that is really something infact that is courage.

So what really keeps me going?.....

You see to be honest, I think it is the little hopes I just somehow carry, Like the hope that one day I will be able to bless my parents the way they do deserve and the hope that my kids will grow up and see that their mom tried everything she could, even when she was at her lowest

And sometimes, I think that it is just faith ,not even the big spiritual kind, just the quiet faith that tells me to take the next step even if I can not see the whole road, you get?.

See yeah, I won’t act like I have all the answers , I am still trying to figure out what my purpose really is, but I have realized that maybe , just maybe, purpose is not one big thing waiting somewhere, you know maybe it is in the daily efforts, the way we love people, the way we pick ourselves up when life just throws us down.

I know that this life no balance at all, People that work hard suffer , People that do bad things still enjoy. But in the middle of all that, there’s still something inside me that says to just “Keep going, Your time will come.”

So yeah...... the hustle continues, life is really confusing, pain exists, people will come and go , but I am still here, and Still breathing and will Still keep trying. And for now, that is more than enough....

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