Carried on a Scent
My niece-in-law (I believe that is not really a thing) had a family gathering to celebrate her graduating from university - and she got very good grades. They had the small party at the parents' summer place, which is not a true cottage, but a converted farm building that sits by the lake on their farm property. It is a very pretty area out in the countryside and the style is very much a cosy country feel. I always take photos there, but this time there were so many people around, I won't post any as I only have permission for my wife and daughter.
These are lilacs from their garden and for those who know, fresh lilacs smell great. We have a couple trees outside our front door and when they are in bloom, the scent wafts in on the breeze and fills the house. Having fresh flowers around, definitely brings a nice feel to a home. And ones out of the garden are even better, because they are free.
Our peonies are not too far away.
There were more people than usual, because know that my "niece-in-law" is married, there was also his side of the family there as well, with his parents and a couple brothers in attendance. However, even with a crowd, I barely said a word, since I didn't want to force anyone into speaking English. I can't keep up with the conversations at that speed in Finnish, so I just sat there quietly, eating cake.
Perhaps if I wasn't in Finland, this would be more uncomfortable. But Finns are pretty comfortable with being socially awkward, so they just assume that I am quiet and reserved. Boring. I am probably boring, but I am not really quiet and reserved in English, because I like to engage in all kinds of conversations and with a wide range of people. But, I guess it is also okay just to take a backseat and observe life go by.
With cake.
But I don't know how people do this all the time, because it is pretty dull and there is no space to get any thoughts out, or any thoughts back. Observing life is fine, but engaging with life is far more interesting. Too many of us have seemingly checked-out of direct living, and are instead spending time passively observing life, or just skipping life altogether, and passively consuming some other form of content. I wonder if we will ever look up from the screens long enough to recognise how much of life we have missed.
Probably not.
As I get older, I am more aware of life slipping away, which I think is a good thing at a personal level, as it helps focus more on what is important. However, I also feel that a lot of people around me aren't paying that much attention to it and are perhaps more distracted by the observation of what is going on, rather than engaging with what is perhaps more important. The hierarchy of importance is of course individual, but that doesn't mean people are making good choices - even if it is their choice.
What do I know about importance...
My whole life has been about getting that hierarchy wrong, so perhaps everyone else has it right and I should just follow them and do what they do. But then, is that a rewarding life for me? I don't think so. But I have been wrong about a lot of things I have thought in the past, and have done a lot of things that once upon a time, I thought I would never do.
Such is life.
At least I can talk here.
Taraz
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I am actually pretty boring at these kinds of events, and not because of any issue with my English, but because I tend to get lost in big crowds, I tend to prefer smaller company where you can actually engage with people for real and not this surface level small talk that usually takes place at such big gatherings.
My wife on the other hand is great in any social events and can find a way to talk to anyone under any conditions.
This wasn't too big - about 25 with a mix of younger and very old :)
This is good in many situations, so you can just sit back and let her do the work!
That's something I've never been faced with...the solitude of being a guest in a crowd of foreign speakers. Maybe it should read being a foreign speaker in a crowd of native speakers? I don't know, but I like the way you handled it....eating cake! :D
Cake makes any situation better :)
Looks like you weren't the only one uncomfortable at the party. Look at the little face of Smallsteps, the naughty little girl in the house; that picture says it all. Is it because I didn't notice the absence of other children?
She was having a ball there! She was feigning being annoyed at me taking photos of her :)
She's lovely…
In some cases, it may be more enjoyable to wait quietly on the sidelines and enjoy the cake rather than intervene in the events. It may be useful to act this way sometimes.
Sometimes it is okay - often I like to have good conversations ad find out about people's lives that are different to my own. For instance, one of the guys is an international footballer in southern Europe :)
I need to be in the right space to have a proper conversation. Huge social functions are usually not those cases. At least most of the time. A lot of it has to do with my ADHD and the fact that I have a hard time focusing anyway, let alone when there are a million other conversations going on.
Perhaps in Finnish it is a bit the same for me - too many conversations going too fast, and then when I want to say something, the moment has passed by the time I get it formed and a chance?
Yes, that happens to me all the time. I actually used to get made fun of back in school for it. It's honestly heartbreaking for someone who isn't very social to have something they want to contribute to a conversation, but as they politely wait for their turn to share it they witness the conversation move in a totally different direction and when they finally get the chance to share they look like a moron talking about a topic from five minutes ago... Pretty specific example there right? Don't ask me how I know!
It is always possible to create a common space to connect at family gatherings where cultural diversity, beliefs converge, Mr. Taraz, at least smiling while eating a delicious cake unites us all. May you have a full life with your family🌹
I share this beauty that dawned this Sunday, full aroma and color in my garden.
That is quite a nice looking orchid! :)
Thankssss You 🌹🙏
That sounds like a challenging way to spend a few hours. Does small steps engage in the conversation or is it too fast for her too?
I dislike parties where it’s not a lot of conversation I can participate in, and I’ve had a few of those. One of the worst was my opinions were substantially different than everyone in attendance and I wasn’t allowed to correct them. Shitty party and I’ve not been back to one since lol.
She is native, so she has no issues at all. She is quiet at times, but with family she is pretty open thankfully.
I prefer to get into arguments too - though I have the tendency to push them too far and people can't control themselves :D
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Yennefer of Vengerberg(one of the main characters from the Witcher) would agree.
This is a second post I saw today that is trying to tempt me to eat cakes again. But I need to lose a few kg and my mother needs to lose much more. So no cake for me. Strangely I miss peach and grapes juice perhaps even more.
by the way I am understanding this right?
The fact that it says CAN means that I can still can create a thumbnail, right?
Have you been exercising too?
I don't know what the thumbnail thing is about :)
Not enough. That is another thing I need to change.
Here are the rules for that manga contest I want to participate in. It speaks about thumbnail as well.
Ah. It means that you can use one of the pics from your manga, rather than make a new one as a thumbnail. It has to be 500x500 though.
thank you.
Coincidence. Yesterday I was at a family reunion with our 80 year old grandfather and also ate cake. He has a house on the outskirts of the city, but it is a picturesque rural area.
And after reading the title of your post I thought to title my post about apple today - Gone with Taste :) But I will probably leave the original title.
Was it a nice get together? I like being at old places in the country areas. There is something wholesome about them. Though, I am not sure I would want to live there year round.
Yes, it was a nice conversation, there were not many of us, only 6 people. Grandpa was pleased to talk to his grandchildren and learn the latest news from our life in the capital. My children were also interested, especially the youngest, he explored all the surroundings around the house and all the places in the house and found himself an old and useful thing :)
It’s nice that your niece-in-law had such a beautiful celebration in the countryside, especially since it involves her good grade in the university. I think it is better to celebrate excellence than mediocre. I'm sure you won't be there if it were the other way round.
The photos of the lilacs are really pretty, and I can imagine how great they smell.
I also understand what you said about sitting quietly. Sometimes, it's just easier to observe, especially when the language is different. I'm sure it because of your in-laws you aren't saying much. If it were to be your family side, they would make you talk.
My in-laws would want me to talk too, but since I can't, they have given up trying :D
What are these kinds of get togethers like where you are from?
It is unique, and it brings family together. When I was much younger it was better than now. Then we visited family members, dine and wine but now times are changing. People envy others in the family, and no one wants to be seen on less privileged again. You know the kind of feeling when you are seen as if we came to beg for stuff?
I don't know what change in us so much to be candid. Family now prefers to visit friends and then go to see another family member. People now turn family gatherings into a platform to showcase what they have gotten.
What an interesting situation, a niece who happens to be an in-law, the family is pretty interlinked I guess. congrats on her good grades, now I take people with good grades more seriously. Because chatgpt students of today are messing up real bad
It is my wife's niece - so my "niece in law" :D
oh yeah wow that makes perfect sense now
Now here's a gentleman's, you won't take a photo of anyone without their permission. Going to learn that from you, I messed up one time in church, took a photo of a rich guy's watch and dude was looking at me like I'm going to rob him right after 🙄
As an expat living in a country where I speak the language poorly (probably much worse than your Finnish), I can relate. I've known a couple of Finns; their comfort with silence is something that I, as an American, had trouble adjusting to.
I think people have always had a tendency to check out of life, to not feel it slipping away - which may be one reason that some many great philosophers and religious teachers remind us to concentrate on that. But it's so much easier now. The damned phones make it so easy.
You lead me to ask myself if I engage with life or not. I'm pretty much a total hermit these days, but there are a number of ideas and issues that I engage with in my own mind (and with the occasional friend patient enough to listen to my ruminations).
Maybe, though, I'm just Alonso Quijano reading romances of chivalry and dreaming I'm Don Quijote.
Very interesting post. Much to think on.