That Time I Bought A Brain Booster On Campus And Regretted Everything

So…. I was tired.

Tired of reading 13 weeks of lecture notes two days before an exam.
Tired of drinking Lipton like it’s an energy drink.
Tired of looking at my books like they’re beefing me personally.
Tired of staring at them blankly like they were going to read themselves.

You know that kind of tired that makes you start rethinking your whole life? That was me.

Anyways,i was walking on campus, dragging my slippers, waiting for my friend who was buying milky popcorn(priorities), when i saw this guy.

Black shades, Joggers, Black snapback cap, Black shirt with a vest.
Backpack. And a suspiciously confident walk-like someone who knows something the rest of us don’t.
He walked straight up to me.

At first, I thought, “Please not today. I don’t hve strength for small talks or weird campus boys”.
He tried to initiate conversation. I gave him the deadest stare.
He paused for a second, then got the memo and just handed me a flyer. I hesitated at first then collected it and didn’t look at it until he left.

It said:

“Tired of reading? Install GeniusX in your brain for 1000HBD. Instant smartness.”

I burst into laughter and walked off to meet my friend. I showed her the flyer and she laughed so hard, she almost choked on her popcorn.
“People are mad on this campus,” she said.

We thought it was just cruise. We even joked about going back to ask if he had a “GeniusXLite” version for 500 HBD.
Later, we went back to our department to try and read.
Key word: try.
Because my brain said, “Nope, not today”
Everything looked like gibberish, the words on the page were dancing Shoki.

Eventually, we dropped our books and gave up.

Fast forward to 2 a.m.

I was lying in bed, eating shortbread (because hunger and regret are a deadly combo), and staring at my notes like they would magically transfer into my head.
Before i knew it, i texted the number on the flyer.
Yes-me, the same person that laughed.

He replied immediately. Told me to come by in the morning.
Location: A suspicious “lab” near Mariere hostel.

I should have said “NO”. I know.
But exam tension can make you do questionable things.

So i went.

He was there, same outfit, same dark shades. No smile, just vibes.

He greeted me casually, then brought out a tiny device that looked like a USB stick and pressed something cold to the back of my neck.

“Boom. Brain upgrade complete, he said”.

Just like that. No countdown. No wires. Nothing.
I stood there, blinking like, “That’s it?”
He asked for payment, i transferred the HBD and i left.

I didn’t feel anything at first.

But later that evening- my God.

I opened my book and started flying through chapters.
Not reading-absorbing.
I was reading at the speed of light.
The words were no longer dancing.
In fact, they were bowing to me.

I wrote an essay in six minutes.
I understood abstract theories like they were nursery rhymes.
I debated a lecturer-by accident.

My friend was looking at me with suspicion.
She kept asking, “what happened to you overnight?”
I told her it was just vibes and Lipton, but deep dowb, i knew what i had done.

Then the side effects came.
• I started speaking in a random accent and i even spoke Italian fluently.
• I corrected someone’s Yoruba in class….me,that barely understands it.
• I started predicting what people were about to say.
Out loud. In class.
It was like my brain was on Bluetooth.

But the worst part?

I answered a test- before they handed out the papers.
Yes, i wrote the full answer out on my sheet veggie the invigilator even finished reading the instructions.

Now everyone in class is wgispwring begind ne like i’m in FBI.
One guy even asked if i could see the future.
I yold him, Yes, and i see you failing if you don’t focus “

Lesson learned?
No shortcuts beats real efforts, small small reading and leaving the rest to God.
Because one minute, you’re cruising and the next you are giving Siri energy in class.

Next time, instead of letting a guy inject “genius” into my head,
I’ll just open my books, drink water or Viju Chocolate (my favourite drink),
and whisper:
“God, please don’t let me disgrace my ancestors in this exam”.