Reintroducing myself to myself (again)

A thought about change, chaos, and the quiet return to who I am

Somewhere between the chickens and the casseroles, I misplaced a few parts of myself

It’s not like I woke up one day and thought, well, I’m no longer me.
It’s more subtle than that.
More like noticing you’ve been humming someone else’s tune without realising.
Or realising the woman in the mirror feels slightly off-centre, like she knows you but also wants to ask, and who exactly are you now?

Grief changed me.

Not all at once. Not loudly.
But in that quiet way that moves into your body and rearranges the furniture without permission.
After losing two of my closest friends, everything I knew about myself became slightly... foggy.

And then life, as it does, kept happening.
The animals still needed feeding.
The teenagers still needed parenting.
The inbox still had feelings about my absence.
Somewhere along the way, I became the woman who takes care of everything but forgot to check if she still feels like herself.

So now, we’re reintroducing ourselves
Hi, I’m Nathalie. I like silence more than I used to.
I need fewer people and more honesty.
I still believe in coffee as a form of medicine.
I still dance in the kitchen, even when there’s no music, and yes, sometimes with the mop.

Some things stayed.
Some things softened.
And some things got left behind, and I’m not even sad about it anymore.

For a while I thought I had to bounce back, but now I think I just need to land again.
Not as who I was, but as who I am now, shaped by grief, seasoned by chaos, still in love with my husband after more than twenty years, and occasionally still surprised that I have a fish I didn’t ask for.

The new version of me is quieter but wiser

She takes longer to respond, and not because she doesn’t care.
She just cares differently now.
She no longer fills every silence with a smile or a solution.
She says no more easily, yes more slowly, and I think she trusts herself more.

She’s still figuring it out, this new rhythm, this post-storm kind of living where everything is softer, but also more true.

And in case you’re wondering, yes, she still folds laundry while whispering ancient curses into the socks, and yes, she still cries during supermarket commercials. Some things, thankfully, never change.

A small wondering

So I’m wondering, as I feed the animals and stretch out the quiet moments between all the things I still have to do,
When was the last time you asked yourself, who am I now?
And if the answer feels a little unfamiliar, maybe that’s not a problem.
Maybe it’s just the start of the next version of you, knocking gently.

Warm greetings from a slowly coming home to herself mom