THE IRONY OF LOVE

I’m always of the opinion that love is not a feeling, I like to see it as an attitude. This is because it’s not an act, but it has an act and thus there are things that can never be associated with love and one of those things is hate. I once had to debate this with some of my friends who shared an alternate opinion with me. I still think it is impossible to hate a person you once loved and that is because I believe the opposite of love isn’t hate but indifference. When you have truly loved a person and you no longer feel you love them, it doesn’t mean you hate them, it just means that love is no longer enough to make you want to put them first and that is usually because you have seen something that would not allow you fully give yourself to them because you love them. This is also why I will never support EX’s being friends because love does not die, it can be stagnant, it can be ignored, it can even be locked away, but it never dies. This is why I do not believe in falling out of love. If one should fall out of love, it’s because they were never in it in the first place. You can unlike a person you like, but falling out of love for someone you love is very unlikely.

Photo by Anil Jose Xavier on Unsplash

I remember how I thought I never loved the first girl I ever loved because I wasn’t feeling it any longer and decided to end the relationship. That was when I understood how unstable human emotions can be. After that experience, I made a decision to always love the next person I am going to fall in love with no matter what happens. Especially in marriage. If I get married and discover I no longer have those feelings of love, the first thing I will try to do is to be very practical with myself. Why am I feeling that way, is it something my wife is doing, or is it something I’m doing, is there someone taking my attention, or is it that I have stopped doing certain things I was doing before. If something is changing in me, there is a very valid reason for it and that is the first thing I will try to find out. Whatever the outcome of my finding is, I will call my wife, and tell her how I am feeling and why I am feeling the way I am feeling. Prior to that I am the kind of man that always reminds my partner that whatever issue we have, it is never me against her, but us against that issue and it is with that knowledge we will find a way to solve that problem.

Divorce is never an option in this scenario because I will regret it the most being the one to call that shot. I have seen a good number of divorcees, and a lot of them are not happy, at least the once I know. I hear them say things like I would have tried my best to make my marriage work, or I was stupid and childish, or I let my emotions define my marriage. These are the mistakes I will try to avoid. This is why I will always say that love is not a feeling. What makes a 90 year old man look at his 85 year old wife with all those wrinkles and dried skin and say I love you. That’s love, not one coming from a place of emotions but one that has seen the test of time and overcame it. That's the kind of love I want to have and it is my duty to guide my heart to what it should do, so my lust does not destroy my marriage.

THIS IS MY RESPONSE TO HIVE NAIJA'S PROMPT FOR THE WEEK