Difficult to Grasp: My Struggle With calculations.

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If I’m being honest, the hardest thing I’ve ever had to learn is mathematics—or more specifically, anything that has to do with serious calculations. From my early years in secondary school, I’ve always found it incredibly difficult to wrap my head around numbers and problem-solving methods. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to learn or that I didn’t put in the effort. In fact, I tried—many times. But no matter how much I tried, it just didn’t seem to click.

Back in secondary school, my struggles with mathematics were so obvious that my mum had to enrol me in extra coaching classes, hoping that it would help me improve. I remember attending those lessons in the evenings, tired after a full day at school, yet still determined to do better. But the results didn’t always reflect the effort I put in. There was even a time I scored 9 out of 70 in a math exam. That result broke me. I was so ashamed of myself. I remember holding the paper in my hands, trying not to cry while everyone else seemed to be celebrating their high scores.

One of the biggest challenges for me was that no matter how many explanations I listened to or how many practice questions I solved, it always felt like I was missing something. I couldn’t understand why my brain refused to connect the dots the way other students’ brains did. Sometimes, I even had to resort to cramming the steps involved in solving a particular type of math problem just so I could write something during the exam. But even that didn’t always help because the slightest change in how the question was asked would leave me completely blank.

Looking back, I think one of the major issues was my mindset. I had convinced myself that no matter how hard I tried, I just wasn’t going to be good at mathematics. I genuinely believed that there were people who were born to be good at calculations—and I wasn’t one of them. And when you carry that kind of belief around, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. You stop seeing the point in trying too hard, and even when you do try, you’re already expecting to fail.

Even now, I can’t say I’ve fully mastered how to solve complex equations or calculations. I’ve simply found ways to avoid courses or paths in life that are heavy on calculations. That’s one of the reasons why I didn’t go for a course that would require constant solving—because I know how much of a struggle it is for me. Although recently, I had to take a course that involved serious calculations, and no surprise, it ended up being the only course I didn’t get at least a B in. I barely passed it with an E, and even that felt like a miracle.

At the end of the day, this whole experience has taught me that it is actually okay to struggle with something. Not everyone is good at everything. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, and while I may never be the person who enjoys solving complex equations, I’ve come to accept that it’s just one part of a much bigger picture. What matters most is that I keep trying, stay honest with myself, and just simply choose paths that allow me to thrive in my own way.

Thanks for reading.

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