Things Get Ugly If Everyone Just Want To Win For Themselves

Good Morning, Good Afternoon, and Good Evening, wherever you are.

As Human, We are a social being. We have interaction, either directly from talking to each other, doing things or working together or indirectly such as you right now, reading my post. We have an indirectly interaction here.

Friction and disagreement will arise from those interactions, sometime it is a small one, sometime it is not. Sometime it becomes things that escalate to feud, fights, or even a law or legal disputes.

Like it or not, getting and having arguments are part of human nature. So like it or not, we must deal with it, learn and improve our method and practice in facing arguments and try to settle them.

I am a pacifist, so I will do anything I can to avoid any unnecessary arguments and feuds. So in general I might not be the right individual if you want to win your arguments, I might even be the worst option for you if you want to seek advice. However I will have some say here today about it in this post.

The reason I decide to write this is simple, there is no holy grail in solving any arguments. Everyone has their own way, and what best for you might not be best for me, even maybe the worst one. Because each of us have our own personalities and values we hold, so yeah... Everyone has their own style.

And sharing and learning from others might be the best way to improve our style or maybe it helps us to evolve our ways into a better next level one. Who knows?

IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO

Yesterday I read @gwajnberg about fights and arguments, and I commented there that it takes two to tango. That saying is not about dancing, or doing dance together (although maybe). It's an old say that means to remind everyone that you won't accomplished some goals alone, because those goals or successes involve other people.

That's why If I may say something about settling any disputes or arguments, it is similar to that case, both party, the pros and the cons, the strong and the weak, the good and the bad, whatever you want to address them, both are involved and need to cooperate together.

Ending the arguments most of the time it is not about getting the best solution, it is about relationship. Both side needs to put some effort, coercion might get you a win but never get you a solution.

But let me be more practical here. I won't tell the all mambo jambo about how to settle arguments, as I am not the master of the conflict management. I will say some simple practical steps here, they are not step by step to settle things, but more like a step that you should understand and do to be able to settle things better.

Listen More than Talk

We have one mouth and two ears, it means we need to hear more than we talk. Most problem we have in arguments is that all people want to talk. Talk talk talk and they want to win and do not want to listen to the other people.

Nothing we can do towards these people. You can leave them immediately, and nothing wrong with that, but better if you do not be the same person as them. Try to be the opposite, try to actively listen to them. Take this as a form of respect to other person.

It will run out your opponent emotion and stamina too, which later of course we could expect the tension will be reduced.

Find a Common Ground

Something we need to bear in mind each time we entered a feud, it is not about the good guy vs the bad guy. Like I said above, most of the time both side are the right one and the good one. Forget about the polarization about being good or right. If this thing is as clear as black and white, there won't be any arguments.

So forget about blaming other first. Find the common grounds in values or goals. Try to get some areas of agreement, try no avoid talking as a win or a loss, but more like a solution or resolving some issue together. Try to understand each side point of view, each side acceptable values, and both need to compromise things.

Even we have try our best, sometime common grounds could not be achieved. It is the most difficult things to achieve. But it will be a shame if none try to reach this.

Sometime You Just Need To Walk Out

The last part, which is the simplest but the most people doing it wrong, is to walk out. Sometime an argument is settled by a walk out from one of the side or both maybe. If things get too hot and people start to think unreasonable, maybe it is the time for both or one of the side to a walk out, getting another time or asking a rescheduling for the next session.

Try to give each other time and space, we can not urge settlement on certain people and certain condition. Sometime we need time to heal them first. Although I will be frankly speaking here, some people are actually do not deserve for your time.

I think that's all I could say here. In the end this is not about getting your win, or conquer it. It is more about understanding and nurturing a relationship.

We might not get the good things all the time, but we can be the good people and not justifying ourselves to do bad as other do.

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Thank you for coming and reading my post. I live in Jakarta, Ex-Capital City of Indonesia. Currently I am running a small business with less than 10 people. I used to live by making money online, that's why I like being here, on HIVE, and in #PIMP - (Paper In My Pocket) community.

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