Why do some women make everything a competition?

Sometimes, I’m genuinely puzzled by the attitude of some women. I wonder if this has always been a thing or if it just came with this generation. Don’t wonder too much, loves. I’m just confused all the time about why most women (especially here in Nigeria) think everything is a competition.

Photo by APG Graphics

A neighbour invited me out. Actually, his fiancée entered town and she had no idea where anywhere was. So, he called me and asked me to please help him bring her to where he was. Now, this was weeks ago. Thing was, I knew bringing her and leaving immediately would be rude so, I got dressed up as well. Knowing my neighbor, he’d insist I stay as well. He even hinted it on the phone. Few moments later, we ladies left the house.

We got to this place, it was packed. It was a Sunday. We found a place away from the open air and sat in one of the sheds. She and I sat real close and made conversation while my neighbor spoke business with his friend. On my left, two ladies walked in and sat on the cushion there.

Later on, another girl walked in and sat on the cushion to our far right just a little father away. She looked so comfortable in her own skin being alone and drinking away. I watched. When she got up and began to dance to the music (alone), I was struck. I have never, never in my life thought to go to a place filled with people and dance like she was doing. She was having fun. Alone.

Now, I go out to eat alone, but the way she was moving, so comfortable in her own skin, it made my heart move in a very weird way. I just stared like an absolute idiot. Then raucous laughter woke me from my thoughts. The ladies on my left were laughing at her, not subtly either. It felt stupid. Why were they laughing?

My neighbour’s fiancée lowered her head and said, “this is what I’ll never understand with women. Your fellow woman is clearly having fun and you’re laughing. Why?”

I could never understand it either. What were they even laughing about? I turned to look at them and maybe I was glaring because they glared back. It just felt like they tainted something beautiful. That night, I made a mental note to write something on it. I wondered deeply why most women couldn’t just be supportive of each other. Why make everything a competition? This is absolutely why it’s hard to find genuine female friends. Hard to build sisterhood and connections with my gender. Because sooner or later, it gets soiled. The hunger for whatever it was - validation? - sinks and they turn on you.

It’s now a common occurrence for women to turn on each other or even fight each other for something but it is always brutal when it comes to the opposite sex. Case in point, a married woman I know went off thoughtlessly against single females in a group just for five minutes of vain glory. In the end, she got the praises she wanted from the opposite sex and the scorn of her fellow females. I guess it doesn’t matter that she insulted these ladies as long as she got that validation she was so desperately after.

Another was when I went out with my male friend. Rather, he went out and asked me to join him. So, I went on to meet him over there where he was with this very beautiful woman. Around my age too. When I walked into the room (lounge room), he stood up to greet me (a hug) and pull the chair out for me (gentleman - he’s always been one) and I sat, turned to the female companion to say hello and she gave me a once over and then looked away. I turned to my friend and gave him my “seriously” look.

Photo by Pixabay

Seriously, what is it with these girls (real women don’t behave like that) and acting like every other woman is out to get them? I think I’d forgotten to write about this like I said I would until this afternoon in a group chat when one girl raised the question and proceeded to tell us how her girlfriend went at her back for a job that she had told her she wanted so bad. Now, it would have been okay that she went for the job too, it’s a free world. What wasn’t okay was the friend not only using the fact that her boyfriend knew the director but also told them that this lady was a single mom with “quite the reputation”. Yes, the lady is a single mom but not by choice.

This was what the girlfriend did after she had assured my friend (the one ranting) that she didn’t want the job and she could go for it — reminds me a lot of a certain girl I knew. Anyway, that was just awful. When she confronted the girl about it, the girl told her it wasn’t her fault she didn’t understand the rules of the real world.

Wow

Just imagine your best friend of almost ten years telling you that after pulling the rug from under your feet. Anyway, this was just so sad. It’s also sad to watch women tear and break each other just to feel better about themselves. The standards set by society today have women at each other’s throat only because they have become a slave to the whims and ways of a broken world. I wish it’s something I don’t have to see, but we can’t help what we encounter daily. So, I’m grateful for the very few women I know who are genuine, honest and understand their worth. They don’t need the world telling them who they are and they sure as hell don’t tear me down so they feel better.