Weekend-Engagement #312: Burning bridges; have you done it and if so why or why not?

It has happened to me, although not many times, to permanently cut ties with some people, to "burn bridges". I am someone who gives a lot, but when someone behaves badly, of course it depends on the severity of what they do, I do not give second chances. I end the relationship, I burn the bridge forever. It is a matter of trust and respect. If they are not deserved, goodbye.

For example, I had my best friend whom I had known for about twelve to fourteen years. We had practically grown up together, elementary school, middle school, and in between countless outings and entire days spent playing and chatting. Then, when he found his first serious girlfriend, things changed quite quickly and drastically. At first it was normal to hear from him less, and that is understandable. I mean, it is obvious that you see and talk to each other less, but within just a few days, not months, he started disappearing completely. He would occasionally reply to messages or calls, invitations to go out were systematically declined, or simply left unanswered. It was very unpleasant because it immediately became clear that it was not a phase, but a choice to distance himself. In fact, when I stopped texting and trying to call him, he never reached out to me, not even once, and that is when I decided it was over forever, that the bridge had to be burned and I had to move on. It does not matter whether it was his girlfriend pressuring him, we all have an independent mind. If instead it was his own choice, then he pays the consequences. If someone stops being there without any explanation, at a certain point you stop considering them part of your life as well, and that is exactly what happened, although with regret.

For several years we did not speak at all until he broke up, and immediately afterward he reappeared as if nothing had happened and sent me a message out of nowhere asking if I wanted to go have a drink. Just like that, suddenly, with no sense whatsoever, without a single word about those years of ghosting, no explanation, no apology, acting as if none of it had ever happened, as if time had simply been paused. Obviously I did not go meet him. To me he is as good as dead because of the way he behaved and the hypocrisy of his return. He tried a couple more times, always without ever apologizing or explaining himself, but by then the bridge was gone.

Another similar case happened with a girl I met at university. We would always see each other during classes and often outside of class as well, a few coffee breaks at the bar near the department, a few lunches in the cafeteria, the classic kind of relationship that develops from spending time together. We got along very well too, but after the end of the semester, when everyone had to attend different classes, she also started disappearing within a short time. First fewer messages, then no contact at all. Obviously, having already gone through the previous experience, I was not particularly surprised. In fact, I did not have a huge amount of trust, but I expected a little more effort in maintaining the relationship. Here too, if you disappear like that, you do not deserve my effort. It was a gradual distancing that I did not try to recover.

There are various similar examples. At the end of the day, there are truly very few relationships that deserve to be maintained, just as there are very few people with whom it is worth cultivating them and putting in effort.

In the end, burning bridges is not revenge. I simply see it as the law of action and reaction. Every action has a corresponding reaction, and if you behave like shit, the bridge burns.

Random photos taken this weekend
Post in response to @galenkp Weekend-Engagement topics: WEEK312