Becoming someone else…

As a young man, I’ve related to different social groups and I’ve tasted a bit of a different life which has helped shape my personality and view about life. As the adage says, “birds of the same feather flock together.” This is true, but not as a direct interpretation. One thing that affects people, especially those in their youth, is the kinds of friends they have and the kind of environment they are in. If you mix with a group of people, whether they appeal to you or not, it is just a matter of time before you start to act like they do. The same goes for the environment.

School is my primary way of socializing with people. Sometimes it’s because of my close proximity to a group of friends which makes me want to join them, or because they really appeal to me. During my university days, I didn't really know myself and who I was. I was still going through a phase of discovery and, being curious, I needed to engage in a certain degree of adventure.I got a space in a lodge which was very large, with about 64 rooms and 8 blocks. So we had about 100 people living in such a confined space, and we were all students. Such a space is going to be lively, of course, and many things would be ongoing.

I found myself within the mix of old friends and also new ones. Together, we formed a group. Since we are all guys and we have a cult-like structure, it’s normal to engage in all the activities we do.The first was alcohol. I come from a very religious family in which my parents don’t drink. So I had never tasted alcohol until I got into the mix of those friends. I remember it was a birthday party of one in the lodge. They shared vodka, and since I was a novice in drinking, I was deceived by the sweet taste of it and I drank a lot. I was already drunk, but I didn’t notice because I was sitting and it was a silent group thing. I only got to notice when I stood up and realized I couldn’t walk without staggering. I managed to get to a room and slept. When I woke up, I had messed up the room with my vomit. It was a very embarrassing moment for me. But then I viewed this as a price to pay to belong to my social group, and I continued. Later, I became one of the best drinkers of alcohol in the group. I did this just so I could look cool.I remember when about two of my friends started smoking. I had this perception that they were gone and wasted. Our family had sent us to school for us to study and make them proud. But here we were, drinking. Not only that, but some of us had also started smoking too. It seemed irredeemable to me. So I promised myself I wouldn’t smoke, no matter what. I didn’t know I was only deceiving myself.That is the issue with the environment and the people you relate to. If they are people you don’t want to emulate, it’s better you avoid them and leave them. In no time, I started to smoke and I enjoyed it, I won’t lie.

At one point, I left alcohol just to focus on weed and marijuana. That mind-altering effect was what I enjoyed about it.But during this phase of my life, deep inside me, I knew this wasn’t me. I was only doing all these things to fit into my social group and system. Though I was doing fine with it and it seemed natural, I wasn’t just myself. When we left school, the situation made me step away from the group for a while, and I realized that I didn’t want all that. I did it just to look cool and acceptable to other people.Now I’ve realized that looking cool is standing by your own standard no matter what. It’s not allowing others to dictate to you what looking cool or good is. One other thing is that no matter how your personality is, you will find your own group if you just look hard enough. You don’t have to compromise yourself just to fit in. There are people with your vibe, and they are just around the corner. Just step out, put yourself out there, and they will find you.

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