Missed Connections
If you have been following me for awhile, you know the tradition that my friend @a4xjeeper and I have where we visit different fish fries during the season of Lent. Neither of us are Catholic, so we don't really celebrate Lent in the traditional sense, but we both loved fried fish, so it works out well for us. Some years we make it to quite a few Friday fish fries, and others, we might only make it to one, but it's a routine that our wives knowingly and graciously concede to.
While this post isn't specifically about food, I'm going to include it as a submission for the current The Pub writing prompt highlighting your favorite pub food. I will be the first to admit, that fried perch is probably one of my favorite pub foods. Don't get me wrong, I love a good sandwich, burger, or wings, but fried perch is just so delightful when done properly.
@ericvancewalton just wrote a really good post which touched on some feelings regarding the loss of friends, and he and I had a really good though brief conversation about it in the comments. As I thought about that post and my recent visit to one of the our local pubs with my friend, I felt really lucky that he and I still have that connection.
As Mr. Walton indicated, Covid changed a lot of things for a lot of people. There were those who thought it was a joke, and that's their truth to believe, then there were others who leaned the other way, and likewise, that is their truth as well. Unfortunately, this left a bit of a rift between these two groups that is still being felt today. While I know my friend genuinely cares about people and I'm not exactly sure his medical opinion on the pandemic, being a small business owner, this impacted him a bit different than it did myself.
The shutdowns were immensely detrimental to his ability to make a living. Where school was still being taught (though remotely), I still had a full time job and collected a paycheck every other week. Not so for him, and I can appreciate that. Unfortunately, amidst all of this, they continued to do things with friends, making new connections. Connections that my wife and I missed out on as we did our best to isolate and try to do what we felt was right at the time.
I have no clue why Godzilla was on my Pabst Blue Ribbon can, and who TF is Peter?
Sadly, as the lockdowns passed, those new connections seemed to grow while the classic ones remained the same. It doesn't help that my friend has hobbies that quite honestly, I don't have the budget for. As a quite successful business owner, he has a fair amount of disposable income for his "Jeeping". Something that I just can't afford to get into as curious as I may be. Perhaps one day if crypto actually does something I can pick up a used CJ or something, but until then, I just have to cherish these small moments when they come up.
It was a really nice evening on Friday sitting at the bar with my friend of 37 years and talking about whatever. We talked a lot about his business, we talked about my business, we talked about the current generation entering the workforce and how dismal it looks. We talked about Jeeping of course, and all kinds of other stuff.
While it may have only been a couple hours on a Friday night, it was quite refreshing and a connection that I have honestly really missed.
I think part of it is the fact that my friend is just a more social person that I am. It's easy for him to talk to people. It's always been quite a bit more difficult for me. The connections I do have are strong, but they are far fewer. I'm not sure that will ever change. As hard as I may try, I just don't see my circle expanding much beyond where it is now. My fear however is that my small circle will instead contract, and at that point what am I left with? As I expressed in the comments the other day. My wife and I are a lot for each other, but we can't always be everything.
I'm not sure where I am going with this. I'm just reflecting on a nice evening with a close friend and reestablishing a connection I have missed quite a bit over the past year.
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oh wow. I am working on a video post along this same vein. How ironic. Yeah, I have a small circle too. More so these days. I am okay with that though.
As for fried fish. I prefer catfish. If not fried I am all about any kind of fish for the most part. It is so cool you have that tradition.
I've only had catfish a few times in my life and I haven't really been impressed. I don't know if it is just a flavor thing or what.
It can depend a lot on the breading. I don't like a lot of spices in my fish breading. So plain fried is my favorite. It could also depend if you ate farm raised or fresh caught from the lake or rivers too. I like the fresh caught stuff best.
I can agree with that. I once had perch that had a beer batter on it, and it was just too much. Beer batter is great for Cod and Pollack, but perch is just too delicate, you can't do that to it.
Lovely tradition you have. I am also a big fan of fish, bigger as time pass, I guess that's coming with age. 😍
I don't eat it as much as I should, but it is so good!
I've always equated friendships over the years of going through "seasons". People enter and exit your life during those different seasons of time. Sometimes they show back up and some are there for a lifetime. As I've gotten older, that close friendship pool as narrowed as well. I think part of that is the older I get, the less interested I am in the social aspects that are often required to meet new people who become those friends.
As to fried fish...love it. One of my favorite things.
I think that is a good way to look at it. My friend now is obviously very focused on building his business. I as well am working on maybe shifting careers, so I am sure that doesn't leave as much time as we would like. Probably more than we take advantage of though!
That's great you got to spend some time with your old friend! The contracting circle of friends you speak of is exactly what happened to me. My oldest friend got remarried and moved to Washington D.C. and the rest are busy with other things. It doesn't help matters that I've become a caregiver and I have to preplan time with friends way in advance. It's impossible now to plan things at the last minute.
The fish looks great! I have to seek out a few fish fries around here. We have a brewery close by that has decent fish and chips (Inver Grove Brewing).
I bet you have some really amazing fish and chips in Minnesota! I'm hoping to make it over to Duluth at some point this summer. I haven't been there since I was a kid and I don't think my wife has ever been there. I'm lucky that my one friend and I get in a lot of rounds of disc golf in the summer, but we can typically go the full winter without seeing each other. The friend in this post is even a little less so just because he is always so busy with work and his social calendar fills quick with all of his other friends.
We’re lucky in that regard! Have you ever been north of Duluth? If not, id highly recommend driving up there to at least Lutsen. It’s absolutely gorgeous. Awesome that you two can get together like that in the summer. I have a friend who I used to do bike rides with. I think I’ll see if he’s up for that when the weather breaks.
I am not sure, we did the whole lake superior circle tour when I was a kid, so we went more East after stopping in Duluth I think. I'd have to look at a map. My wife and I are camping in Wisconsin this summer, so I think a quick drive over to Duluth shouldn't be too bad. What kind of caregiving are you doing? My friend who I play disc golf with volunteers with hospice and just sits with patients for an hour or two a couple times a week.
That’s a pretty cool idea the fish fry Friday. If my girlfriend wasn’t allergic to fish I’d be joining in…..
Neither of our wives like fish which is why we make it a guys thing hitting up different KoC halls or restaurants each year during Lent.
I started drooling the moment I saw that plate of fish, fries, & cole slaw! 😋 That is one of my favorite meals! I, too, was curious about the Godzilla & "Peter" reference on the can, so I looked it up and found this article:
https://godzilla.com/blogs/news/godzilla-unleashes-kaiju-chaos-on-pabst-blue-ribbon
"Attack Peter" is a pseudonym for Cuban-American artist Peter Santa-Maria, and he teamed with PBR for the celebration of Godzilla's anniversary. 😂
Ah, that is very cool about the PBR thing. It's one of my favorite beers. This was my first time getting fish here and it was quite good. My friend felt they put too much pepper in the coleslaw, but I thought it was a nice touch. He doesn't really like coleslaw anyway!
Your friend doesn't like coleslaw, your wife doesn't like fish — what is with these people...?!?!? 😕 If it's [normal] food, I'll eat it, unless it's beef liver. Yuk! But most anything else is fair game!
Just different tastes I guess! I like most everything except for a few things here and there. I don't tend to get too crazy with my eating habits. I'm more pub than fine dining.
Different budgets and hobbies can quietly create space too. It’s no one’s fault, but it changes how often paths cross.
Very true.
Some good fried fish is always awesome, perch tastes great. These days I'm more of a grilled fish guy, trying to watch the old health... Glad you still have that connection after so many years, and that he pulled through his health issues.
COVID hurt a lot of business owners during the shutdowns, including mine. Being a small business owner is hard, and the pandemic put many businesses in the red and bankruptcy. You were lucky that you didn't have to rely on income from a business!
I've found that my social circle has shrank immensely since I'm not able to work anymore. Those who want to spend time with you contracts immensely, and if I weren't social with old friends and neighbors I would be very lonely. It happens with age anyway I find, but in the last five years I have very few good friends. Once you retire you will experience it too! Things to look forward to!
Oh great! Now I am really worried!
I know this is going to irritate people, but sometimes truth isn't subjective.
The man who is driving my husband home from a card game tonight had COVID back in the early part of the pandemic. He was hospitalized and so was his sister. He was so sick he couldn't text for a while. When he came home, his sister didn't, because she was dead. I don't think he thought COVID was a joke.
In March of 2020 we heard my friend Myron was in the hospital with COVID. He was a few years older than I am. He lasted until sometime in April. Then he died. I don't think his wife thought COVID was a joke.
Sometime during COVID peak, we heard S...'s (my husband's work colleague) son had died of COVID. There was an honor guard for him because he was TSA and on the front lines in those years. I don't think his mother thought COVID was a joke.
Or, how about the father of my granddaughter's soccer mate. That man worked in Manhattan and commuted when many of us stayed home. He died of COVID. His wife and daughter didn't think COVID was a joke.
Oh, there are many stories here, where I live. Not stories someone told me, but stories I personally know about.
COVID wasn't a joke. People died. Good people. And people suffered.
Sometimes we just have to stand up for the truth, and not worry about who is annoyed. I'm doing that now, and will do it when I hear COVID was a joke. I know you didn't say it, but someone did. It's an insult to those who suffered and died. Sorry to do this on your post :)
They have some kind of excuse. I can't accept it or fathom it, but they always do. It makes absolute sense to them and they will scream it from the rooftops and laugh at us like we are gullible morons.
Which is why I go through the facts. Not the rumors. Not the news. The real people who suffered and died. They have names and faces. They live in my memory.
Don't know, I gave up on trying to maintain friendships. My wife is now my only friend :)
I'm getting there.
To be honest connections are tough now a days... Maybe it's always been this way, but I'm noticing it now. Between people with kids, work and income life gets tough. I'm trying to find ways to keep connect with buddies and we like to game but even that can feel like tough at time.
Yeah, I totally here you there. Plus half the time I feel like I am the only one reaching out and it gets exhausting sometimes.