Learning to Speak Robot: My Worst and Funniest Idea Ever

Okay, I’ll be honest I thought learning to speak robot would make me look cool. Or maybe smarter. Or at least impress my crush in Tech Class.

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Big mistake was it.

It all started when I heard a service bot say something like, “0100110 beep beep error in Sector 5.” And I was like, Wow… maybe if I speak their language, they’ll listen to me when I tell them to stop rolling over my foot.” not really

So I went online yeah, I know, classic move, downloaded something called “Intro to Binary for Beginners Who Think They’re Smart” and decided to teach myself how to talk like a robot. Thought it was possible though.

Lesson one: Binary is not for humans.
Lesson two: There are only 1s and 0s. That’s it.
No letters. No emojis. No punctuation. Just numbers bouncing around your brain until your head feels like it’s full of robot soup. Mean soup.

I practiced for hours. I tried saying “Hello” in binary: 01001000 01100101 01101100 01101100 01101111

It sounded like I was choking on popcorn.

Then I tried talking to one of the cleaning bots. I walked up, stood confidently, and said my binary line. It paused… stared at me… then sprayed disinfectant directly into my face.

Not the reaction I was hoping for.

Later, I tried again with a vending machine bot. I typed out a full message in binary and printed it on a note: “Please give me one free snack if you understand this.” It beeped. Then gave me six packets of algae chips. Like magic to me.

So… maybe I’m not fluent, but I did get free snacks. That counts, right?

My teacher says robots don’t “talk” like that anymore anyway. Most of them use advanced code, or direct neural commands. Binary is like the ancient language of computers. Like trying to speak Shakespeare to a microwave.

Still, I had fun. I confused a few bots, annoyed my roommates, and learned something new Just because you can try to speak robots doesn’t mean you should.

Now I will be learning guitar. At least it doesn’t spray me in the face.
Yet, I still have try.