Parenting The African Way

I was having a discussion with a friend, named Obi, about a sensitive topic. We were talking about how his parents treated him. All the while through the discussion I was relating to what he was saying.

“With my parents,” he said, “They rarely care about how you feel. They don't care if you are badly hurt or disgraced while being reprimanded.”

“Yes, but it's natural for parents to discipline their children.” I chimed in.

“Yes, but it's necessary to respect their feelings and understand their situation before judging and correcting them harshly. Especially when they are grown adults.” My friend Obi half-bellowed.

His facial features appeared sour and agitated. You could almost reach out and touch the resentment that seem to burn in his mind. He had clearly endured a lot of hurt at his parents' hands.

At this time, Obi my friend had just gained admission into the higher institution. He often had fallings out with his parents over certain issues, as did I. He had no problem being corrected for a mistake, but he was concerned how the correction was given.

I recall myself when I had a falling out with my parents over this same issue. I was preparing for my pre-university exams. Whenever, at this point, my parents saw me using the smartphone, they would frown or throw a word that carried disagreement. I would pause on the phone and try, as gently as I could, to reassure them I was carrying on with my studies as best as I can and that my usage of the smartphone was in no way interfering with it. They would shake their heads and start a rather lengthy lecture on how digital devices can distract studies.

I would alnost tire myself explaining to them that I had important things to do on the phone. It wasn't all just social media chatting and scrolling. I had Important online activities to attend to that could help me financially. Their contorted and sour facial expression would tell me what they thought of my opinion and I would just silently leave without saying another word. At a point it was almost a daily occurrence.

At a certain point, my online activities started to yield fruits. I began earning a decent income from them. I hadn't discovered hive at that time. I shared some of the money with my parents. I discovered that when I did, they began to look more favourably on my online ventures. They had refused to walk a mile in my shoes previously but now they did. They had judged my online activities prematurely before understanding the situation.

They had been of the opinion that I shouldn't allow anything distract my studies even if that thing yielded financial results, that they would give me all the financial assistance I would ever need. At my age, I thought that was a bit awkward. I was just a teen at the time, but I was already striving towards financial freedom.

Most young Africans I had discussed with often complained that their parents were too harsh in their judgments of them and cared very little for their feelings, even as young adults. Sometimes they would blatantly refuse to hear your own side of the story and go ahead to condemn.

Of course not every African parent does this. One of my lecturers in the university once told us of how he treats his kids, most of them young adults, respecting their opinions and feelings and not judging them too harshly. He told us of his eldest son who approached him one day and said he wanted to drop out of the higher institution and go into fashion design. The plan he had for his son was for him to complete his higher education, acquire his first, second and third degrees and maybe become a professor some day. But when his son told him he wanted fashion design instead he supported him and today his son owns a thriving company. He told us that if as a parent, your kids are scared of your presence, especially when they haven't broken any of your rules, you ain't raising or treating them right. The lecturer himself who's also a Reverend minister in a respected church, is a very jovial and friendly person who understands others. You always feel comfortable in his presence and you will be scared only when you break his rules. And that's how I plan to build my home and raise my kids.

Thanks for reading.