I swear I'm not SUICIDAL

Hi Freewriters,

Hello esteemed writers and poet, today i wrote a very dear poem to me. Sometimes it seems as if people are doing okay but they are really having a bad time, so please check on your friends and tell good jokes.

I swear I'm not suicidal, I just don't want to live,
I cry every night as I sing myself to sleep,
It's all so draining, I really can't keep up,
This isn't a cry for help, I really want everything to stop.

I swear I'm not suicidal, but living is such a drag,
So many unfortunate occurrence all at once that I'm starting to lag,
The world has squeezed the fun out of everything, there's nothing to laugh about,
As I try so valenty, a happy thought I can't sprout.

I swear I'm not suicidal, I just stop to feel,
Like I'm made of metal, like I'm made of steel,
The emotions I feel weigh my infinitely heavy soul down,
In this pool called life, I'll drown.

I swear I'm not suicidal, I just don't like it here,
The world is so complicated for my simple brain to bear,
It gets infinitely tiring to make purpose out of this
I miss when I was a child, just to enjoy the simple bliss.

I swear I'm not suicidal, I genuinely don't like people,
People are messy, I'll always say, but let it be known that I am also same,
They always make me uncomfortable, like it's their mission, their aim,
They make my tummy rumble, they make my tummy churn,
They make my heartbeat, they make my ears burn.

I swear I'm not suicidal, I know there's still much to see,
Like the stars in the dark night, like the whale in the sea,
I've still got my hobbies, there are still much books to read,
There's a lot of beautiful things that I haven't even seen.

Don't deny the world of your presence, you are much needed,
Because who will watch the tree sway, or watch the sky bleed,
Who would look at the green grass and hear the cock scream,
Who would listen to the birds and bath in the cold stream.

You are much more needed, not by family or friends,
You are much more needed by this ever changing world, could ever contend,
To witness all the beautiful things encased in it,
You are needed just to accompany the world just for a little bit.

I'm not here because of the people I love,
I'm not still here because of family and friends,
I'm because there's still a lot of things to experience, books to read, pictures to take, dresses to wear, things to laugh about, things to cry, over, art to see and music that hasn't even been produced,
That's why I'm still here,
Because people suck and I would have ended it earlier.

So I swear I'm not suicidal, I'm trying to make sense of this,
But I can't promise that if death came knocking I won't welcome it with a kiss,
That if I saw a bus coming, I'll go out of the way,
I swear I'm not suicidal, but I'll keep these feelings at bay.

It's still Abeegail✨💗
Thank you for Reading.

The image is mine