ENJOY LIFE DEPRESSED

If there is one thing I'm still struggling with it's the part of my that feels that my life has to be a certain way before I can enjoy life. I wanted things to align perfectly before I let myself smile, laugh, be happy or enjoy being alive. I had a particular way I wanted my life to feel and I felt that nothing was really worth it until I get that particular feeling but I just end up missing the little beautiful things.

I'll say to myself "once things are perfect, I'll be happy. Or, when I'm at the peak of dreams, I'll wear that favorite clothes of mine and it will all make sense. But one thing I didn't realize was that shit will always happen, nothing will truly be perfect. There will always be more things to check off you to-do list, more things you are passionate to have, more things to deal with all the time.

I remember the time I wanted to get a new phone, I actually wanted an iPhone but my dad could not afford to get the particular I wanted, so I had to settle for the phone I'm currently using. At first I didn't put much thought to it I just felt like if I hustled enough I would get enough to get the iPhone myself. I had I goal but I didn't allow myself enjoy the fact that I had a new phone, I didn't want to invest so much on the phone, because I had it at the back of my mind that I would not have the phone for long because of my plans to change it. Now, I still haven't gotten the iPhone and I still won't be happy if I continued with this mentality.

I won't even snap or post a picture because i was waiting for that "perfect" iPhone camera 😂.

If you are like me and you keep waiting for that perfect moment before you can be happy, you will never truly live.
You can still enjoy life even if your life is not coming together as you planned. You can enjoy life in parts, in little bits. Joy isn't an all or nothing game. You don't need to have all together to be happy, to laugh, to eat your favorite dessert, to dance to music. Don't stop enjoying the little pleasure just because you haven't fit all the pieces yet. Life will always hand you problems but it will also hand you little things that brings joy and it's usually in the same plate.

It's more or less like this; the Universe has a shitty personality. It could give you a warm loaf of bread with hot choco with a butt load of "shit" right on the same plate to test your self love. The question is: would you have the courage to choose to enjoy the warm loaf of bread or clear the "shit" first until the hot choco is hot anymore. We go to clear the shit first forgetting you can literally have Joy even in chaos.

At the end of the day joy isn't a luxury item that you keep on a wait-list. Joy doesn't need perfect conditions to exist, the storyline doesn't need to be flawless. So stop gatekeeping happiness from yourself, wear the outfit now. Eat the dessert that you love. Stop waiting for perfect because life is never going to hand you a plate of all desserts, it's always going to be a combo meal. We just have to enjoy the sweet parts even in chaos.

In conclusion, how's your weekend going☺️. Hope you are having a blast even if life isn't on point 😅

It's still Abeegail.
Trying to smile in this chaos.
Thanks for reading ☺️